May I Try These Vibrators?

By Joe R. Maldonado

When you go to a store to buy clothes you can try everything on to see if they fit before you buy. In a patisserie they just beg you to try their new recipe. When it comes to a really intimate thing like sex toys, you can’t try before you buy. Isn’t this inconvenient? You may say if you are shopping from an online store you can’t ever try anything before you buy. That is true but I would really like to try my sex toys before I buy at least if I will buy them from a sex shop.

In beauty salons they use a number of disinfectant solutions. There are also some disinfectant boxes with UV light for scissors and other equipment. Why wouldn’t they use them in sex shops? I always dream about my sex shop being like a beauty salon. They welcome me at the door and take me to one of their comfortable client rooms.

There they ask me if I would like something to drink. Later when I’m having my hot drink or strawberry martini (which is my favorite drink) they ask me what kinds of sex toys I’m interested in today. I tell them what I like, how I like it and so on and they bring me a catalogue to choose from. When I make my choices they bring me disinfected and cleaned ‘try before you buy’ samples and leave me with my future toys to try as I like. Entrepreneurs of the world! Hear my voice. Do it like I described and you can have a worldwide chain of stores.


You must have heard of 30 day money back guarantee. Do you know what happens when you decide to return your vibrators? That discreet company comes to take back their goods with a TV camera asking you ‘live’, why you didn’t like the vibrator and was it too small for you. Of course they don’t come with a TV camera but the discretion seems to be disappearing. I think that is because they want to frighten people not to return their goods. I should also add that not all sex toy stores are like that. You must have experience to distinguish really discreet ones from those that are discreet until they put their hands on your money.

I also wonder what happened to that butt plug I returned. Did they sell it to someone else? Did they disinfect it before selling? Or was it put into the discount section where all the returned goods end up? I wonder if any of my favorite toys were returned by someone else. I don’t think I would use a returned good.

It is like cheating and I’m the one who is cheated. They sell them with the slogan ‘only lover you will ever have with no cheating guarantee.’ However we can’t do anything about ex-lovers can we? Anyway, I don’t want to turn this article into a philosophical debate, if you got the gist, ask your sex shop for a private room to try the goods before you buy them. As they say, there is strength in numbers.

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